Miscellaneous Memorandums

My Son

arcticmyst — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 08:43:09 +0000

My Son

My son is now 9 weeks old. There are many things I have learned from him already. I guess the first would be to slow down. Every day he learns something new. He finds his hands or his feet. He notices the ceiling fan or the lights; things he has never even seen before, and you can see the amusement and mystery in his eyes. There is still mystery in the little things. Even at my age, there is a vast expanse of time and space and thought that I have yet to explore.
He has taught me fearlessness. I hold the life of a little child in my hands everyday. No experience what-so-ever. No instructions. Only instincts and the acquired ability to read his own little language to guide me. Then he gives me that smile….oh my God that smile. He melts my heart. He brings my whole world to a standstill. Whatever I was doing vanishes because I was either enamored by his expression, or he just made me forget everything except his beautiful little face. No one wants to get up at 5 A.M. to do anything. Yet when he starts to cry and I jump up and pick him up to change and feed him, he gives me that little smile and talks to me with his little noises and I can’t think of anything I would rather do at 5 A.M. than sit in the recliner while we look into each others eyes and probe the depths of our hearts over a warm bottle of formula.
He has taught me patience. There are times when he cries and I have no idea what the problem is. I run through my checklist…food, clean diaper, clean face, warm or cold, clothes, does he want the fan on or no, lights or no, pick him up and carry him or leave him alone…the list goes on and on. When I have exhausted all my efforts and he is still crying, I am at a loss. Saddened by my inability to make him feel better. Hurt that daddy can’t fix it. Frustrated that I can’t figure out what is going on. Astounded that all mom had to do was pick him up…I just did that and it didn’t work. Then sometimes, without me doing anything at all, he stops crying and gets that little smile on his face. What ever it was, he figured it out on his own. There I sit with the realization that I will never be able to fix everything.
He has taught me a different kind of love. The kind of love that says, “I will always be your dad. I will always love you.” Yet with that love comes greater responsibility. Being his daddy means that, although I may be his best friend, I have to teach him right from wrong. I have to teach him responsibility, respect, honesty, hard work, etc. I can’t be his friend all the time. I am his father. I have to help him learn the hard lessons. Sometimes that means letting him learn the hard way…that will be so hard. Knowing he can possibly hurt himself or do the wrong thing and letting him do it any way because that is the only way he will learn it. My parents always told me never to touch the electrical outlets. I knew not to do it but I did it anyway…and never again.
There is so much more to write about. As I learn it, I will write more. Here’s to the future Jayden…thank you for being My Son!

Filed under: Children, emotion, Faith and God, family, family, children, marriage, Fun and Games, Time and Life Tagged: faith, family, fear, Findings, fun, God, life, love, people, point of view, Thinking Out Loud

Ashes Fall

arcticmyst — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 17:48:31 +0000

As we live our lives, we find that our actions lead us in many directions. At the same time, we realize the oil is perpetually burning. As we make our way through the memories of the past, we inevitably start to analyze the way our time was utilized. We learn that we burned more time at certain points in our lives than others. As the ashes fall, we find ourselves lumbering through an ever expansive field of debris. At some point we have to eliminate the clutter from our path in order to keep a clear view of the future. Whether that be mourning a loss and letting the tears wash away the grime or finally getting angry enough to let our human rage sweep it away, we must present ourselves with the chance to succeed, a path to achieve it, and obtain the ability and the patience to make it happen. No one ever climbed Everest walking backwards and no one has ever achieved greatness through mediocre action. Just something to think on!

Brandon W. Crews

Posted in emotion, Faith and God, family, family, children, marriage, Fun and Games, The Dark Side of Life, Time and Life Tagged: aging, faith, family, fear, Findings, fun, God, heartache, inevitable, life, love, misunderstood, pain, people, point of view, stories, support, Thinking Out Loud, time

Where the Heart Is

arcticmyst — Tue, 26 May 2009 21:20:50 +0000

What you felt
you wished other understood
but without exposure
no one ever could

Though a hand barely flew
the words swarmed like bees
thousands of painful sticks to the heart
a slap to the face made you feel at ease

At times you felt deserving
other times only shock
taking turns with wood and word
it would have been easier with a rock

The edge is there
signs point to the easy way down
the pain to end with one swift blow
or take a deep breath and drown

Fireworks fly high
bright as the day time sun
a warning flare sent for all to see
not one person came at a run

He’s your father
he love you, you know
this is how he shows his love
you take it and go

Nothing is ever good enough
although you try so hard
even though you’re older now
it feels like a joker card

A few sparse moments you remember
a time way back when
on a road trip away from trouble
you were his “pardner” back then

That woman he’s with
what a wicked web she weaves
tearing and tormenting
until you finally chose to leave

That is gone
it’s in the by and by
every day you recover more
with each and every tear you cry

You wish no ill
on those who torment you
although forgiveness is hard
I think you’ll see it through

This life is your own
it will be what you want it to be
the doors to happiness stand before you
and you have the key

Although it’s not over
there is much to work through
you are feeling better about yourself
you know what you have to do

Don’t sit back and hide
let your voice be heard
what the past is about
is summed up in a few words

What is done is done
they can go and get the hell on
take the challenges in your life
and meet them head on

A husband and children
a couple of them I think
they’re waiting on someone like you
you are their missing link

Your hopes and dreams
they may be surrounded by thorns
people deserve to experience you
grab life by the horns

You life for your husband
you live for your kids
their life is nothing without you
you have so much to give

When the world gets you down
and you’ve given all you can
when the load seems too much to carry
and you feel you’re short of fans

You have your best friends
my family and yours
if you ever need anything
well, talk to me of course

Brandon W. Crews

Posted in emotion, Faith and God, family, family, children, marriage, Fun and Games, The Dark Side of Life, Time and Life Tagged: faith, family, fear, Findings, God, heartache, inevitable, life, love, misunderstood, pain, people, point of view, spouse, starting over, stories, support, Thinking Out Loud, time

Jackson

arcticmyst — Tue, 26 May 2009 20:00:28 +0000

They come in low and hard
dragging the icy north wind
those heavy grey clouds floating over
the long cold winter to begin

Autumn is at an end
and the temperatures are falling fast
time now to hunker down
and prepare for the winter blast

Sitting by the fire one night
those crystal flakes start to fall
asleep or sheltered are the animals now
til warmer weather calls

Through the season the snow piles high
over the vast peaks and trees
river waters stand almost still
under the spell of the deep winter freeze

Avalanches consume steep mountain sides
ripping trees out by their roots
Streets and sidewalks diligently being cleared
by those in their warmest suits

Until that final snow falls
sometime in the spring
we make the best of every day
until the returning birds begin to sing

Brandon W. Crews

Posted in emotion, Faith and God, family, family, children, marriage, Fun and Games, Time and Life Tagged: animals, faith, family, fear, Findings, fun, God, inevitable, life, love, people, point of view, starting over, stories, support, Thinking Out Loud, time, wildlife, wolves

Broken

arcticmyst — Tue, 26 May 2009 19:07:15 +0000

How do you keep flying
when your wings are scarred and torn
when the foundation of your world
has been ripped from beneath your feet

How do you continue to run any farther
when your legs are beyond repair
when the goal is out of sight
and seems a thousand miles away

How do you persevere
when your being refuses to acquiesce
your heart seeping its vitality
slowly losing its grasp on life

How do you remain vigilant
when your quintessence fades away
when the burden you bare is just too heavy
to carry on any further

How do you survive when your soul is broken?

Brandon W. Crews

Posted in emotion, Faith and God, family, The Dark Side of Life, Time and Life Tagged: boyfriend, faith, family, fear, Findings, girlfriend, heartache, inevitable, life, love, misunderstood, pain, people, point of view, stories, support, Thinking Out Loud, time

Our Only Daughter

arcticmyst — Tue, 26 May 2009 17:54:30 +0000

Your mother’s love
your daddy’s pride and joy
from your very first black and white

God’s gift to us
your forever grateful parents
I only hope we can be to you what you are to us

You are hope
you are blessing
your life will be everything you need

You came here to us
we will always be here for you
never fear, never hesitate, never hide, never lose faith

Your blood is in our veins
and ours in yours
with us you can share your joy and pain

We will only love
we will never judge
never be afraid to speak

Your mother’s pride and joy
your daddy’s love
you…our only daughter

Brandon W. Crews

Posted in emotion, Faith and God, family, family, children, marriage, Fun and Games, Time and Life Tagged: faith, family, fear, Findings, God, life, love, point of view, stories, support, Thinking Out Loud, time

Elusive Memory

arcticmyst — Tue, 26 May 2009 17:16:50 +0000

It sneaks up on you
sight unseen
sound unheard
like a wolf stalking its prey
suddenly you hear the leaves
you see the shadows
a flash of light hits the long forgotten
there before you lies something familiar
a moment of recollection
a tiny piece of remembrance, that, like death
comes without warning
inundating the heart with raw emotion
flooding your thoughts
it lingers only for a moment
then disappears
returning to that realm of chance
that hidden place in the subconscious
a place where the past is encoded
only to be deciphered at random will
the future soon to dwell
the now a memory

Brandon W. Crews

Posted in emotion, Faith and God, family, family, children, marriage, Fun and Games, The Dark Side of Life, Time and Life Tagged: emotion, encoded, faith, family, fear, Findings, fun, heartache, inevitable, joy, life, love, memory, misunderstood, pain, people, point of view, shadows, stories, subconscious, Thinking Out Loud, thought, time, wolves

I Am the Wolf

arcticmyst — Tue, 26 May 2009 17:01:44 +0000

My eyes cast a watchful gaze
on the mountains tall and fierce
Through howling winds and blanketing snow
the darkness my eyes pierce
My pack, we cover many miles
thousands in a lifetime
Most of those through rugged terrain
and very precarious times
The wisdom of the land
courses through my mind and veins
It is crystal clear like mountain streams
after every torrential rain
In the dark of night our howl you’ll hear
echoing a melodic chorus
Our instincts guide us to our pray
through prairie and lush green forest
Those paw prints in your yard right there,
yes, we were there last night
I was there unheard and certainly unseen
until the early morning light
Next time you hear the moonlit cry
of me and my countless kin
Just know we’re not so different you and I,
fording the journey of this life from the beginning to the end

Brandon W. Crews

Posted in Faith and God, family, family, children, marriage, Fun and Games, Time and Life Tagged: animals, faith, family, Findings, fun, howling, inevitable, life, misunderstood, moonlight, mountains, nature, people, point of view, streams, support, survival, Thinking Out Loud, wildlife, wisdom, wolves

Lost

arcticmyst — Tue, 26 May 2009 16:35:35 +0000

It’s hard to write lately
so much on my mind
yet difficult to express
or is it just not interesting
my own thoughts not interesting to me
that’s ironic, maybe I’m bored with myself
even now as I sit and write and think
I am lost
a huge chess game
no clue where to move
not sure if I’m the king or the pawn
the doctor or the patient
how do I figure such things out

Brandon W. Crews

Posted in family, family, children, marriage, Fun and Games, Time and Life Tagged: family, fear, Findings, fun, heartache, inevitable, life, love, misunderstood, pain, people, point of view, stories, support, Thinking Out Loud, time

A Simple Smile

arcticmyst — Sat, 23 May 2009 18:47:37 +0000

A simple smile is not so simple
a picture only a ripple
lives around us so very fragile
a moments impact intangible

A kind word not so light
the north star on a dark night
heavy heart or clouded mind
a moments clarity helped to find

Life unlived left unto fate
a wicked world full of hate
a warming thought giving peace
a chance to revel, the torment ceased

A hearty handshake or reassuring look
easing the pain of a heart on the hook
a gentle voice calling in the fog
guiding you from the mire of the bog

Life is easier when you’re not alone
soul and companionship like dog and bone
peace of mind a welcome reprieve
the harsh cold touch of solitude relieved

A simple smile is not so simple
a picture only a ripple
lives around us so very fragile
a moments impact intangible

Brandon W. Crews

Posted in Faith and God, family, family, children, marriage, Time and Life Tagged: aging, boyfriend, faith, family, fear, Findings, fragile, fun, girlfriend, God, hate, heartache, inevitable, life, life-saving, love, misunderstood, pain, people, point of view, smile, stories, support, Thinking Out Loud, time, work