At what point to you accept that something is a lost cause? A given standard that, when reached, tells you to relax and let things go. Is there really such a thing, or do people just push until they are too tired to stand, falling flat on their face. Only then realizing that they no longer feel the way they used to, and then spend the time you used to use fighting for something trying to figure out what in the world was so important in the first place. What possessed you to spend all your energy fighting for a cause that, for all intents and purposes, you had no right or cause to fight for.  You can’t change what another feels. You can’t make someone happy and cheerful all the time. There are times when no matter what you do, others are going to be hurt, sad, or cry. It is completely out of your control. But there is a sparkle of a thought in the back of my brain. It gets clearer and clearer as I write. Maybe they do all those things because when they do get the opportunity to see that person happy, it makes up for all the work they put in during the times when they couldn’t make a difference at all. Still, there is that nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me there is another side to this whole deal. That is the side that tears you apart when you realize that you put all that energy into something that may have been better left alone. The act of trying to make a difference in someones day or even life ends up being part of a self inflicted punishment. What you are hoping for fades away never to be seen again, and it is replaced by a need to feel like you are worth the body your soul inhabits, that you are still liked and mean something to someone. That never ceasing need to feel like you still have something to offer up to others, and the desperate hope that what you have to offer is wanted….no….needed.

 

Copyright 2007

Brandon W. Crews

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